El Pelirojo in Portland

Little Brother, Big Heart. That's Dano.

He's got the recipe for a sister's every need. He'll fly out to Portland and cook killer hot wings for you and your family. His spaghetti and turkey meatball deluxe melts in your mouth. He'll even make you go to your room and take 5 while managing the kitchen.

With a cozy red cap, he'll join you and your family on a trek through the misty, soggy, 'coldy' trails of Oregon in March, just to see one of the most beautiful farming landscapes ever seen in the Western Hemisphere.

He's your personal 'foodie finder' in whatever metropolis you may find yourself. He guides you to the spots that will make your taste buds sing. Believe me when I say, the biscuits and gravy served at Mother's Bistro Downtown Portland, will have your taste buds singing all the way to Broadway. AAAAhhhhhh.

Dan will even challenge your kid to a rip rorrin' game of speed ball at Chuck E Cheese's. After he's won a long train of tickets and reminisced about his childhood fun in the sea of plastic balls a long time ago, he may give your child all his winnings. However, your child must say the magic words, "Uncle Dan, you're my favorite."

Yes, my little bro. He'll stroll your stroller, give his best opinion on which My Little Pony to buy for your daughter's birthday. He will single handedly remove your screaming three year old from the John Deere display at Toys R Us. (He really does love you Uncle Dan.)

Yes, to the ends of the earth and back he will go for anyone of his sisters, brothers, parents, friends and/or chickens.

Even if breaking into Williams-Sonoma, late at night, to swipe a super duty Vitamix blender will make you happy, he's there with black leather gloves and pants. :) And if he's going to go through all of that trouble to pledge his allegiance, take the whole family along on the heist. Rolling a $8,600 La Cornue CornuFe Stove out of W.S. is going to take some muscle.

Anything for you, Uncle Dan!